Mistress gets a telephone message

So we go into an Italian restaurant together. The waiter comes to our table to take orders, and I say to him: Mistress will need some handcuffs, a strap on, a paddle and I would like some fettucini served on Alexa’s thighs, served with the sauce the side, just enough for both of her nipples and one of her knees… and three different bottles of wine. That should do it. … You’re on the other line…

Remember your best friend Wendy… Well, last week I was down at the soft serve and she was getting a quart of vanilla. I met her at the parking lot, bent her over the boot of the truck and scooped a handful of that , slapped it up between her cheeks.. just ground it in and then I got all busy… She was screaming your name, my name… she was screaming like a banchee…

I’ll tell you what, that frozen yogurt, that shit.. what it will do – it will get down there and it will sterilize your nuts. Cause it’ll get all crispy and stuff, and if you like sneeze or something, pretty soon you’re sweeping them up with a dustpan. So you got to be careful.. I got to where it was like all warm and everything. I thought you should know…

Shit from Shinola

This month the remarkable Michael Lewis shows that nobody mixes shit and shinola better than the Germans.

The first thing Gutenberg sought to publish, after the Bible, was a laxative timetable he called a “Purgation-Calendar.

 

….The fiercely scatological Martin Luther (“I am like ripe shit, and the world is a gigantic asshole,” Luther once explained) had the idea that launched the Protestant Reformation while sitting on the john.

 

But perhaps there is no better evidence of this specific national character than the red-light district of Hamburg, where naked women fight each other in a ring of filth while spectators wear a sort of head condom to avoid being splattered.

“Germans have always longed to be near the shit, but not in it. This, as it turns out, [is] an excellent description of their role in the current financial crisis.”

And not since Freud has money so clearly revealed itself as symbolic shit as in the current financial crisis…